Multiple Personalities Much?

I’ve been trying to acknowledge lately what makes ME happy.  I am codependent in the way that involves placing a low priority on my own needs, “while being excessively preoccupied with the needs of others.”  Now, part of that is because I’m a wife and mother, and there are just things that have to take a backseat to making myself happy at that moment.  But I tend to do it all the time, until I am ready to explode.  Sometimes I’m able to keep it in, but sometimes I freak out – either have a day where all I do is sob, or I start a fight with my hubby just ‘cuz, or I throw a good old fashioned temper tantrum.  It’s not pretty, and I’m not proud, but that’s what happens when you put everyone else’s needs ahead of your own, to the detriment of your own mental health.  And it also means that, very very often, I don’t speak my mind, don’t share my feelings or opinions, don’t start a conversation that might make someone angry.  I think I’ve gotten to the point where I realize that if mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy – that I have to start taking care of me so I can take care of my family!  So I’m trying to carve out little moments in my day to make me happy.

Right now, one thing that’s making me happy is thinking about the future – even though my therapist said to worry about today today, I’m still thinking ahead a bit.  For example: I have a shop on Etsy, where I sell handspun yarn, hand-carded batts, and hand-dyed fiber (that’s for all my spinning fans out there, ha ha!)  I started the shop on a whim years ago when I got really into spinning yarn and realized that I was going to be suffocated by my stash before long.  In truth, I started it so that I could make money to buy more fiber.  And I did, for awhile.  But life gets in the way, doesn’t it?  I got pregnant with Mr. H-Bomb, and the shop was horribly neglected (a lot like my Partylite biz, but that’s another topic for another day…)    But the more I think about it, the more I wonder “What am I going to do with my life?” (yes, I’m almost 35 and still have no idea what I want to be when I grow up!) the more I realize that I want to do something that makes me happy – and playing with fiber makes me happy.  Creating things makes me happy.  And pretty, bright colors make me happy!  So I started a new Etsy shop that I hope to actually plan out the right way – business plan, tax ID number, the works – so that I can eventually make actual MONEY off of it, and not just money to buy more fiber, but money to pay some bills.  I want to make myself a fiber artist who sells out her shop in minutes (yes, non-believers, they’re out there!)  Now, don’t tell me about the market, or the failure rate of small businesses, because I don’t want to hear it.

And then I started another shop –because it’s not crazy enough to try to juggle TWO shops, why not start a third?  But really, I think these shops represent different parts of me.  I am thinking of using my original shop for the darker side of me – darkly dyed fiber, things that acknowledge there is a shadow me.  The second shop I started will be for the bright, happy part of me (she’s in there somewhere, dammit!)  And the third shop is going to be for the magpie in me – the “oooooh, pretty!” part.  It won’t be fiber.  I’m not sure what it will be yet, but it will be filled with pretty things that make me happy and catch my eye.  I don’t know the feasibility of having THREE online shops, and if the fiber shop takes off the way I’m hoping, I would be willing to abandon the others, but right now, it’s exciting to think about!

Now, on to branding!

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About talamorgan

I'm an almost 40 mother of 2 fighting depression and fighting the battle of the bulge. I want this blog to keep me motivated, to hold me accountable, and to lend me support while I try to fight for my mental as well as physical health.

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