Grumpus Grumpus Grumpus Grumpus!

That’s what we call Hurricane when she’s being grumpy!  I even knit her a little Grumpasaurus toy for Christmas one year (hers is pink and pink, though!  She’s like Shelby in “Steel Magnolias” – her favorite colors are blush and bashful!

It’s just been a crappy couple of days in my head, and while I’m trying to keep this blog positive and upbeat, I’m also here to work through things, so I would be doing myself a disservice to ignore it.  I’ve been so tired lately, even with my sleeping pill, and when the fatigue sets in, so does the negative thinking and hopelessness.

I feel very stuck – this is the overwhelming stressor lately (well, besides the usual life stressors, which can pile up, too, as we all know!)  Stagnant is a great word, too: adjective: Showing no activity; dull and sluggish. Not growing or changing; without force or vitality.  Yeah, that’s me.

I feel stuck in my job (which is nice because at least I like most of my co-workers, and it’s part-time and flexible so I can deal with the kids, but very boring and not mentally stimulating in the least – not to mention the crappy pay).  Stuck in my house – we just can’t afford to move right now, and our “starter home,” which we’ll be in for NINE years in November, is painfully small for the four of us.  And yes, it’s a roof over our head, and yes, I know I sound like a whiny brat…it’s a disease 😉  And mostly, I feel stuck in my head.  I’m terrible at sharing my feelings, especially if my feelings might hurt someone or make someone mad at me.  So I have all these ideas running around, all these feelings of shame and disappointment in myself, all these thoughts that make me feel selfish and self-centered, and I don’t feel like I can talk to anyone about them.  So, ha ha, you get to deal with my word vomit, you lucky readers!

My therapist has distilled it into three things that I need to keep my sanity: space (mostly meaning a bigger house, but also just some space for myself from time to time), quiet, and creativity.  I hope this blog will lead to some of all three.

Ooooh, look a picture!

Me, happyish (and oddly egg-shaped!)

Question for you, dear readers: Was there ever a time when you felt “stuck” in your life, and what did you do to shake things up?

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About talamorgan

I'm an almost 40 mother of 2 fighting depression and fighting the battle of the bulge. I want this blog to keep me motivated, to hold me accountable, and to lend me support while I try to fight for my mental as well as physical health.

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