You say “to-may-to”, I say “realist.”

First of all, yes, I’ve changed the name of the blog (well, the URL of the blog, I’m still trying to figure out how to change that “fatanddepressed” tag at the top. Anybody? Bueller?) Yes, I’m fat and yes, I’m depressed, but I felt even MORE depressed with that blog name…and I’m not going to be fat or depressed forever, right?!

That leads me to the real point of today’s post: pessimism. I’m not an optimistic person…never have been. If something can go wrong, it will go wrong. I don’t necessarily consider myself a pessimist, per se – more of a realist. But there are definitely times, especially during the dark days when depression hits me the worst (as I used to call them before I realized I was suffering from depression again, “Very Bad Days.” The caps were implied, but hubby got it), where I can be pessimistic with the best of them. And I admit that I tend to wallow in it, too – like I need the drama!

I’m making a promise to myself and to you that I will try not to wallow. Yes, there will be some negativity – purging is sometimes a good thing – but I will do my level best to not make this blog strictly “Amanda’s Bitching Space.” I mean, it’ll hopefully be bitchin’ (harhar) but not a constant bitchfest. I think a person can train herself to be more optimistic, even if she’s naturally not – and I hope to be able to do that in this space. Wow – a lot riding on this little blog o’ mine, huh?

Got back to my therapist today for the first time in almost a month (between my trip to FL and an event on her calendar, we just couldn’t get together). It was very nice to get back to talking to her, because there have been more bad days than good days the past few weeks. Today felt a bit like a reboot, and I could totally use that.

On the weight-loss front, today is day #2 of me religiously tracking my calories/carbs/fat/protein on DailyBurn. So far I’ve come in around 1500 calories each day, and right around where I need to be for protein and fat. But carbs? Oy. I am trying to limit my carbs, and at first put my daily limit at 100-125 grams a day. Um, and blew it out of the water the first day. So, I raised it to 150, and I came in just a smidge over. But I don’t think 150 is too great, either. I will try to limit them even more in the future, but I think right now, with the fact that I’m tracking again for the first time in a long time (well, almost ever), I can cut myself some slack as I learn how to make changes in my daily diet to cut more out. I’m not going no-carb, no way no how! I love me some carbs, and feel totally crappy when I get none.

“A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.” Winston Churchill